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The Cailleach-in-Law

by Lachie Strummer - 11:22 on 11 May 2010


Spent an enjoyable couple of hours with ‘the Cailleach’ at the weekend being regaled with tales of nursing exploits in days gone by.
Apparently, one young nurse was dispatched to the ward to remove and clean a patient’s glass eye.
The glass eye was duly removed and taken to a nearby sink.
In the process of cleaning, however, the glass eye dropped and broke!
Nurses are nothing if not resourceful, however, and after much pondering a child’s marble, one of the larger ones, was acquired and fitted in the appropriate patient’s eye socket.
The patient was none the wiser till the first time he got out of bed and went to a mirror to comb his hair!
Medical Advice
In these days of the internet it seems very fast and convenient to go online for expert medical advice.
Not me - I consult ‘the Cailleach’.
The amazing thing is, though, whatever the nature of the ailment in question her advice always involves the same thing ; bowel movements!
‘I’ve got a bit of a sore back.’ – ‘Constipation!’
‘I think my ears need syringed.’ – ‘Have you had diarrhoea, by any chance?’
Basically, no condition is outwith the possible influence of the lower intestinal tract.
Anyway, consultations are always conducted in a convivial atmosphere and accompanied by up-to-the-minute local news, weather forecasts, and a beer or two.

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